Stock Satire Fans Gifts

Masochism for stockholders.

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

End the Winter Blues

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"You calm down."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"One question, what's a share option?"

Greed.

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'