Forever Cynic Gifts

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

'I hate my life.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Bush vs. America

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

Sucking Up to Gen X

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

"Did he give it all to the poor, or just the after salary and expenses part?"

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Mail & Political lies.

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."