Playful Cynic Gifts

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

Bush vs. America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Sucking Up to Gen X

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Everything has been done to death."

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

"Did he give it all to the poor, or just the after salary and expenses part?"

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Mail & Political lies.

'Scaling back public healthcare would be fine, but they'd better not mess with our congressional perks...'

"Some guys have better rafts than Steve... and friends... and jobs... and ears that don't always ring, but no one's got a better attitude."

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"