Light-hearted Cynic Gifts

'Nothing. Turn off the porch light.'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Will Self deprecation

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

Bush vs. America

Obama builds own gallows.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'That's it?'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

Sucking Up to Gen X

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...and that wraps up today's news...'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!