Light-hearted Cynic Pillows

'Nothing. Turn off the porch light.'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Will Self deprecation

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'That's it?'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

'It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...and that wraps up today's news...'

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'