Compassionate Cynic Pillows

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Always Compatible

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

'I hate my life.

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'Yeah, I think we have a future together. Would I write you a post-dated check for my half of the dinner if I didn't?'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

'It's just a male thing - none of them can feign passion beyond the event horizon.'

Love Then and Now

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

It's not working, Harvey. I don't feel the least obsessive-compulsive about you.

'Are you sure you want to save your marriage?'