Cheerful Cynic Pillows

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"Here's to even lower expectations in the New Year."

"Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers."

Christmas - Let's get it over with.

"Did he give it all to the poor, or just the after salary and expenses part?"

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

Bush vs. America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'You'll have to excuse my husband - he's got compassion fatigue.'

'Huh! Nobody home!'

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Sucking Up to Gen X

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

"Some guys have better rafts than Steve... and friends... and jobs... and ears that don't always ring, but no one's got a better attitude."

Mail & Political lies.

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

'Help me, Helen! I'm feeling a momentary lapse of cynicism!'