Camping Skeptics Gifts

'Ah! The great INDOORS!'

I think it's so cute when the kids camp out in the backyard.

Future Tents

"Carol, our guests are here, along with the complete L.L. Bean catalogue."

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"I didn't know it was poison ivy. It didn't have any warning labels."

Wild, Wacky, Wild and Wacky

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

But, mom, I don't want to go to summer camp!

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

'And just exactly what would make you a happy camper?'

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

'I'll bet this would be more fun on a computer.'

'For heaven's sake! We're only going to the caravan for a week!'

'I took the liberty of packing your backpack for you. As you can see, I like to pack light.'

"We can't stay. Charles freaks out without some electronic device beeping or blinking at him."

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

'You'll never see me out jogging.'

Stanley Middleton

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"I've never been much of a beach guy."

"I didn't say I hated camping - I said I didn't understand camping."

"I hate the beach. The minute you go into the water your phone gets ruined."

I hope you're letting Teddy get outside this summer. Yes, mother. He needs time to run free and be a kid. I know. Bye, mom. Where, exactly, will I be running free? Allstar, Youthbuild Paramilitary Sports Camp. 8 a.m. sharp!

'About time... my parents are keeping me here against my will.'

Jimmy's monsters go on vacation.

"John's never been a fan of the static caravan."

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

'I can't wait to get this holiday of a lifetime over so I can get back to my banal existence.'

'I told you these Time Share properties were a rip off!'

Remote Control Filth

"George, that view in the brochure? It was painted on."

'God, what a dump!'