Outdoor Skeptic Gifts

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

'I'll bet this would be more fun on a computer.'

"So is this the fun part, or will there be even bigger bugs sticking to my face soon?"

"Don't you just love nature programmes!"

'We've been offline for approximately 20 minutes. Is this what they call 'roughing it'?'

'Nature makes me nervous!'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

Winter Weather.

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"Tracks of black bear cub... Tracks of black bear mother... Tracks of Henry David Thoreau."

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

The Farmer Sutra.

'By George, this one I think I'm going to like!'

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"No religious nuts!"

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

"I love the way it blurs the boundary between inside and out."

"Is really wet, here!"

'I became a bit claustrophobic living in a warren all the time: I prefer camping out now...'

"Our carbon footprint has been very, very good to us."

'I've got an idea. Why don't we just tack on the word 'natural' to our pesticide sprays?'

No crawling sign in the desert.

Carbon capture and storage

Caution - Poet at work

Rational explanations

Frankenfood farms: pest-resistant, fresher-longer, who-knows-what produce.

"By the way, some of us have begun to feel that 'Because it's there' is not reason enough."

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"