Nature Skeptic Gifts

Thoreau's secret diary

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"Today, Craig wasn't in a hugging mood."

"Je n'aime pas la nature!"

'Well, Alfred Hitchcock, any more great ideas like the bird feeder for livening up the yard?'

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

Alternative Medicine

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'I have trouble believing in global warming when it's so cold that my nipples and p***s are the same size.'

Can't you anarchists do anything within the system?

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

The science doesn't prove global warming. Stop the fraud. So why save gas because bad things "might" happen in 50 years? Global warming is hot air. Because we're going broke importing oil from countries that hate us today? Lemme see our talking points. Global warming is hot air.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Today's Topic: "Intelligent Design." Do you believe in "intelligent design"? I did until I met you.

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."