Nature Skeptic Gifts

Thoreau's secret diary

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"Today, Craig wasn't in a hugging mood."

"Je n'aime pas la nature!"

'Well, Alfred Hitchcock, any more great ideas like the bird feeder for livening up the yard?'

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

Alternative Medicine

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'I have trouble believing in global warming when it's so cold that my nipples and p***s are the same size.'

Can't you anarchists do anything within the system?

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Science deniers Soc.

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

"Of course, Perkins likes to think he can make it to the top outside the corporate structure."