Nature Skeptics Gifts

“The children claimed to love nature, even as they warmed themselves by roasting the dismembered limbs of the tree’s mother.”

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

Crystal Ball Plug

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I totally meant to do that."

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

Today's Topic: "Intelligent Design." Do you believe in "intelligent design"? I did until I met you.

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

Doing Something About the Weather

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'