Green Skeptic Gifts

Sign on factory: We Are Really Environmentally Friendly. We Color Everything Green.

Carbon Credits

Rare earths are the key to a greenwashed, technotopian future

"Now they're referring to us as ecology nuts."

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

Don't let the woodcutters get too close or they'll make a fuel out of you!

"I do miss trees but I don't miss the raking."

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

'It's a bold initiative but I don't think it's right for the staff kitchen.'

'Have you done something to your air? You look different?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"Sorry, Rudolph, but the production on electric reindeers and their batteries gives work to thousands of children while you destroy the climate with your farts."

A globe detaches itself from its stand and falls into a rubbish bin in the offices of the (fictional) Institute of Environmental Forecasting

Climate Change -- You are here.

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

'There's a renewable source the government should use.'

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

'An aerosol? Are you sure you've thought this through?'

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

'It's only now that we've chopped down all of the trees that we can see the damage we've done'

The Ship of Fools. The earth as a ship, heading for destruction as people party, oblivious to the danger

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. Sorry."

Ecological Therapy

'I can't sleep for thinking about global warming.'

'I have trouble believing in global warming when it's so cold that my nipples and p***s are the same size.'

'Is it me, Fiona, or the hole in the ozone?'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'What it is is a giant kidney.'