Green Technology Skeptic Gifts

'Runs completely on electricity - generated by a tiny coal-burning power plant.'

Rare earths are the key to a greenwashed, technotopian future

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

Environmentalist Brainstorm

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

'And the best thing about this electric thermal underwear is, no batteries, it's solar!'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

'It runs on batteries. I'm trying to become more green.'

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

I Value Your Privacy, So I'm Keeping It.

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

No, you tell him the computer says he's wrong!

Diner is served

"Tarzan no want computer."