Earth Skeptic Gifts

"I'm never visiting earth again! Ever since we got back I've been getting nothing but robocalls and spam."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

How Glaciations Begin

Alternative Medicine

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

'I have trouble believing in global warming when it's so cold that my nipples and p***s are the same size.'

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

"Aw, Dad! I don't wanna move. I just made friends with a fossil!"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Ozone layer claims another victim.

Atlas working out with the earth as his exercise ball.

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

The science doesn't prove global warming. Stop the fraud. So why save gas because bad things "might" happen in 50 years? Global warming is hot air. Because we're going broke importing oil from countries that hate us today? Lemme see our talking points. Global warming is hot air.

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

Save the Planet.

"I totally meant to do that."

"I can't recall a time when I've seen quite so many grassroot initiatives!"

User friendly soil.

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'I should have known years ago that shredded campaign literature would make good fertilizer.'

"Sounds of the ocean upgrade...it's sounds of the antarctic icebergs cracking."

Today's Topic: "Intelligent Design." Do you believe in "intelligent design"? I did until I met you.

The Future is Feminist