Celestial Skeptic Gifts

"I'd like to get my hands on the astrologer who told you that!"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

A man looks up at the earth

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

'I think that's always how it's been!'

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

House of Wishful Thinking

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

'So what's your sign?'

"I've been asked to dance on the head of a pin" "Yeah, you and an infinite number of others."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Actual Results May Vary

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

'You've convinced me. I'm becoming an atheist.'

Valuation of Heaven

'Jesus? Jesus who?'

"Why should I feel small? I've just been put in charge of the whole Eastern region."