Psychic Skeptic Gifts

Mind reader: "You're thinking, 'This is really stupid...people can't read minds'." "How'd she know that?"

"Hey Lorna, come see the stupid thing this guy is going to do next week."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"What do you want first, the good news or the bad news about the good news?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"You're solemates!"

"God works in mysterious ways."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"I'm getting your dear, departed husband—he can't believe you paid forty-five dollars for this."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Crystal Ball Plug

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

House of Wishful Thinking

Actual Results May Vary