Magical Skeptic Gifts

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

House of Wishful Thinking

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

Actual Results May Vary

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'You've convinced me. I'm becoming an atheist.'

Demon in the elevator. Man says: 'Sorry, are you going up or down?'

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

"Once we get the performance figures in we give them to Mrs Miggins and her magic cauldron to make sense of them!"

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

Rational explanations

'Jesus? Jesus who?'