Miracle Skeptic Gifts

"Wine? Laddie, he'll have my attention when he can change water into Scotch!"

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Tiny Visions

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

Moses gets REALLY lost in the desert.

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

"That's my boy!"

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Are you sure you sent out those invitations?"

'Waiter, there's a mysterious stain on this napkin.'

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"Holy water, holy water...."

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist