Magical Skeptic Pillows

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

House of Wishful Thinking

Actual Results May Vary

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

Demon in the elevator. Man says: 'Sorry, are you going up or down?'

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

'You've convinced me. I'm becoming an atheist.'

Rational explanations

"Once we get the performance figures in we give them to Mrs Miggins and her magic cauldron to make sense of them!"

'Jesus? Jesus who?'

Mind reader: "You're thinking, 'This is really stupid...people can't read minds'." "How'd she know that?"