Professional Skeptic Gifts

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"God works in mysterious ways."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

'OK, now you've seen it...'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"I totally meant to do that."

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."