Scholarly Skeptic Gifts

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

Alternative Medicine

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Science deniers Soc.

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

Documentation Please

'A Federally-funded study released today proves conclusively that taxes are good for the economy....'

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

"The drug has, however, proved more effective than traditional psychoanalysis."

'Don't tell me what Aristotle says. He still believes men have more teeth than women.'