Satirical Skeptic Gifts

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Foreign Policy Mysteries Revealed!

Shoulda Gone with Sexual Harassment Instead

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Is that what you want to be? A slave to capitalism. . ."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

The World's Biggest Book Club

Strainspotting

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'I'd go back if I were you.'

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"We're going to run some tests: bloodwork, a cat-scan and the S.A.T.'s."