Critic Skeptic Gifts

"What do the know!"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Politicians are from Uranus.

"God works in mysterious ways."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

Doing Something About the Weather

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

Alternative Accountants

QANON PROUD BOY

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

Politics section of a library: 'Lies', 'Lies', or 'Damn Lies'.

"We should have copies of all the latest manifestos Sir. Try the horror, fantasy and science fiction section."

Foreign Policy Mysteries Revealed!

'I'm what you can't learn at Harvard Business school.'

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"Perhaps it's a bit early to tell, but I'll bet the Presidential visit changes nothing."

'And I see you have a degree from the University of Wikipedia...'

'Well, besides 'liar, liar, pants on fire', how do you feel about our candidate?'

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

'It's from that guy we voted in at the last election.'