Academic Skeptic Gifts

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Does it occur to you that seeking career and personal fulfillment at university is the plot of some mad scientist?'

'I'm what you can't learn at Harvard Business school.'

"Welcome to the future"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

Politicians are from Uranus.

"God works in mysterious ways."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I removed the AI software from your computer and I can see now that you're a blithering idiot."

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"That's what I get for using artificial intelligence."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

AI Threat to Democracy

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'