Academic Skeptics Gifts

"What did you expect from a failing education system?"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

Alternative Medicine

"God works in mysterious ways."

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Today's Topic: "Intelligent Design." Do you believe in "intelligent design"? I did until I met you.

Doing Something About the Weather

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."