School Skeptics Gifts

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'

Quiz Today. I don't remember clicking of any terms of agreement that cover this!

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

"Hey, Mr. Taylor, remember me? Eddie Leathley, class 5A... You told me I'd never amount to anything."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"God works in mysterious ways."

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

'Don't tell me what Aristotle says. He still believes men have more teeth than women.'

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Creationist president: 'We have to cut the budget, so I'm keeping the astrologer, and letting thge astronomer go.'

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"Call me when you get some current stuff."

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

'My dad says school is a waste of time and that as long as I'm fast, I'll succeed...'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And, lo, the Almighty's Horse, Lucille, bestowed upon the universe a sacred meadow muffin, which got hardened by the sun and became the earth.'

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

'Those are just to hide the cracks in the wall.'