School Skeptics Gifts

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

"Hey, Mr. Taylor, remember me? Eddie Leathley, class 5A... You told me I'd never amount to anything."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

'Don't tell me what Aristotle says. He still believes men have more teeth than women.'

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

Creationist president: 'We have to cut the budget, so I'm keeping the astrologer, and letting thge astronomer go.'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

"Call me when you get some current stuff."

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

'My dad says school is a waste of time and that as long as I'm fast, I'll succeed...'

'Those are just to hide the cracks in the wall.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And, lo, the Almighty's Horse, Lucille, bestowed upon the universe a sacred meadow muffin, which got hardened by the sun and became the earth.'

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

'It's so cruel the way they break it to you, Not, 'school starts tomorrow', but 'tonight's a school night','