School Skeptic Gifts

'Okay, so I failed all the tests and never handed in an assignment. So what's your point?'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

Experts say kids should do their own homework. Kids say experts have way too much time on their hands.

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"What did you expect from a failing educational system?"

'If the school can send in substitute teachers, how come we can't send in substitute students?'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

"School is just one big infomercial that interrupts my fun."

Public School: K - Death

"Do you have to believe everything a teacher, Principal and Superintendent tell you?"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

Where a truant goes at the weekend.

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

Report card: 'No wonder you don't understand girls...you don't understand anything.'

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Alternative Medicine

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."