Young Skeptic Gifts

"Somewhere between 4th and 5th grade I lost faith in the process."

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

'My teacher is a man of letters...except A and B.'

Open House of Horrors

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

"Our integrated approach to medicine skillfully combines an array of holistic alternative treatments with a sophisticated computerized billing service."

'I blame the internet.'

Fish "I hate going back to school"

'I can't see any future in my business.'

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."