Future Skeptic Gifts

'I've traveled back in time to warn you...in the future you'll be charged a fee to watch television AND the commercials, you'll need a computer to hear music, and morons roam the streets with tiny phones they talk extremely loud into!'

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

'I can't see any future in my business.'

"My gut tells me that the future will be more befuddling than we can imagine. Befuddlingisimo."

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'So help me, which god?'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

'Oh my god!'

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"Yes, I've read the bible. I've also read 'Harry Potter', but I don't believe in wizards."

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

'I'm what you can't learn at Harvard Business school.'

"Our integrated approach to medicine skillfully combines an array of holistic alternative treatments with a sophisticated computerized billing service."

'I blame the internet.'