Faithful Skeptic Gifts

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

'Oh my god!'

'Maybe, but I think we should hire a lawyer anyway.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"The next seven verses (Deuteronomy 22:23-29 KJV) are shockingly barbaric. So we are pretending they don't exist."

'So help me, which god?'

'As far as I can tell, hard atheism is the same as atheism, only with a driving beat.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Jesus loves me?!? Did he say something to you? This is freaking me out! What exactly did he say?!"

"Of course I believe in God. He's as real as Santa."

"You'll pray to your god for me? Fine. I'll pray to my toaster for you. Expect similar results."

"Yes, I've read the bible. I've also read 'Harry Potter', but I don't believe in wizards."

"I think they want to come to church. Should we let them in?"

"What if I told you that your god told me he was not real? Would you believe me then?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

'Okay - who leaked?'

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

"Eventually the leaders of every religion say 'We spoke to God and he wants you to give us money.' ...Every. Single. One."

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"Easter and Halloween are my two favorite zombie-related holidays."

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"