Joyful Skeptic Gifts

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

Open House of Horrors

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'So help me, which god?'

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

'Oh my god!'

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

'I've had raging hormones for the last 80 years.'

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Yes, I've read the bible. I've also read 'Harry Potter', but I don't believe in wizards."

'I blame the internet.'

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

"When Daddy goes by, make sure he can see how bored we are."

'I can't see any future in my business.'

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

'I've traveled back in time to warn you...in the future you'll be charged a fee to watch television AND the commercials, you'll need a computer to hear music, and morons roam the streets with tiny phones they talk extremely loud into!'

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

'I can't believe you think that hypnotist was for real.'

"Today on Zoom she was like, 'I really think everything's going to be okay,' and I'm like, 'I always knew she was a conspiracy theorist!'"

"Grown men! There's no such thing, Molly."