Little Skeptic Gifts

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

"You say it all the time, so I climbed every tree to prove it. You were right, money doesn't grow on trees."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Open House of Horrors

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

The middle school mile claims its first victim.

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'I got an 'F' in penmanship, but it doesn't matter. I plan on becoming a doctor.'

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'Did you know I have 3000 bones in my body?'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

Back to School

'Let's play alternative health provider.'

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

'Is there a secret handshake or anything I should know?'

Rational explanations

"Yes, you should have studied harder and no, you can't unsubscribe from 5th grade."

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Elevators offer choice of conversation or conversation-free.