Suspicious Skeptic Gifts

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"God works in mysterious ways."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

Rational explanations

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

'I blame the internet.'

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

"When Daddy goes by, make sure he can see how bored we are."

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

How psychics keep out the riffraff...

"They say statins don't work but they must be doing something, I've never felt so lousy in my life!"

Your daily horoscope.

Hey! Everybody makes mistakes.

Preacher performs a miracle.

'He's reached his limit with Government health advice.'

'Now, this placebo is recommened by four out of five doctors.'

'If caller ID shows our number, it's just a tricky telemarketer...but in case I'm wrong you'd better answer to see what you want.'

"If you'd like a second opinion, I also do Tarot readings."

"You're not fooling me again, buddy, I gave you money for a coffee last week. . . and I'm still waiting for it!"

'Everything's gonna be great!' 'I'd never trust a politician who wasn't willing to lie to me!'

Woman at entrance to clairvoyant's with sign reading 'Warning: readings may contain bad news as well as good news'.

"Your god made me an atheist! How dare you question his wisdom?!"