Schooling Sceptics Gifts

Glum parents read document. Woman says: 'The number of parents who can make any sense of league tables has fallen by 0.5 of a per cent.'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

'Oh, I just knew that darned obedience school was a mistake!'

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

Standardized Testing

Fish "I hate going back to school"

'Those are just to hide the cracks in the wall.'

"It's not the captivity – I'm just not sure if I'm ready to have kids."

"What did I learn in school today? - Frankly, Mom, you're better off not knowing."

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

'My dad says school is a waste of time and that as long as I'm fast, I'll succeed...'

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

'It's so cruel the way they break it to you, Not, 'school starts tomorrow', but 'tonight's a school night','

'The good news is these grades are not good enough for me to get into an expensive college.'

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'

'If you're rich enough to send me to a fancy, private college, why do I have to go?'

The moment Frank realized his MBA really wasn't worth it.

"Do you have to believe everything a teacher, Principal and Superintendent tell you?"

'I lead your parents at work, and I want to share their grades.'