Satirical Skeptics Gifts

Occu-Pie Mars

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

Strainspotting

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'