Satirical Thinkers Gifts

'You're deliberately putting yourself at risk of ill health by being over 65...'

'I studied the issues, reviewed the facts, considered all the alternatives and decided 'the hell with it'.'

"And this next one - is this the kind of racism that advances my career or ends it?"

The Selfish Gene

'Then someone hit on the idea of selling our torture devices to fitness centers.'

'If three-fourths of the world is covered with water, what am I doing in this stupid bowl?'

'The world is on the brink of nuclear holocaust and you expect us to do homework?'

'I'd like to get your unvarnished, honest concurrence on something....'

'All of my works of wisdom on car insurance, weight loss & beauty aides came in a vision...actually, television.'

Assisted Suicide and Self checkout

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

"No, this bus doesn't have a 'business class.'"

"No...Losing your smart-phone doesn't entitle you to a disability allowance."

"And YOU? Never made a move in MONTHS!"

"If they were worth anything, China would be selling them at half price."

A man throwing his brain into a recycling bin

"Please go Further! Stopping is not allowed!"

Wine-O-vision

I don't wear t-shirts with slogans

Customs - labour and capital.

'I have to flunk a few things, Dad, so I'll qualify for a government grant to go to college.'

'The cream rises to the top.' - 'So does the scum.'

'Do something else - I don't like irony.'

'I want you to compare your private opinions with these core European values.'

"People often think management is glamorous, that we spend all our time engaging in high profile decision making."

'My dog usually doesn't growl at people. Are you, by chance, a politician?'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

"I never asked to be a fry."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'