Satirical Philosopher Gifts

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Arthur maintains a sense of equanimity not matter what the world situation. Mind you, the Botox helps.

EU financing large companies

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Zenemies.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Optimist

Reverse psychology

Strainspotting

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'