Satirical Thinker Gifts

"There can be no peace until they renounce their Rabbit God and accept our Duck God."

'Have you noticed it, too?'

'Today's agenda - 1:Emerge, 2:Eat, 3:Mate, 4:Die.'

"It's all marketing - no one actually wears that stuff."

Big Society in hospitals

Still waiting for change.

Over-estimated the power of prayer - please help.

I'm a member of four class action suits and I play the lottery each week. That's my retirement plan.

Einstein Ponders the Mysteries of Space and Time

'While we're on the subject of basic human rights, are we all aware that the coffee machine in the hall is broken?'

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"Thanks, Super Rich Man."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

The Machine that transforms the mob in to the respectable.

"Nice moat. How did you get it past the Kingdom-Owners Association?"

"I should have bought more crap."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'I'm here to bring you the civilisation! You can stop being natives and become customers!'

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

Politics, Finance, Religion.

"There's no need to take notes. I have no idea what I'm talking about."

"Sometimes I wonder if we haven't carried ecumenism a bit too far."

'Once they stop believing that it's flat, I'll make it round.'

Sign says 'False Sense of Security only $5', customer says 'Can I swap you for a fool hardy lack of concern?

'I think your son shows aptitude for becoming a pollster. After each Math answer he writes 'plus or minus 10%.''

'That's right...take a deep breath, close your eyes and visualize letting go of material wealth.'

'Good Lord, what is it this week? New equipment for your kid's soccer team?'

'Rather than a working-vacation, how about just vacationing here at the office?'

"If the plunger doesn't clear up the condition, bring in your drains and we'll have a look at them."

'When I die please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. Write on the envelope, now you have everything.'

Trash Recycle Pretend to Recycle

'Henry, you're on top of this week's team pyramid.'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

The Artificial Intelligentsia

"Legal advises finger-pointing."