Satirical Writer Gifts

Rodney Krebs: Class Valedictorian or G.P.A. whore?

'It's terminal? Fantastic - I was worried my blog was going to loose its edge.'

'Think you've got it bad? My brother's playing for a team that was just bought out by a company that makes feminine hygiene products.'

"To gain free publicity, corporate wants to turn out office into a reality show. For ratings, we'll need you to all to start hating and fighting each other."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Reverse psychology

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"#notguilty."