Satirical Scriptwriter Gifts

"It's the pill you have when you haven't had your pill."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Gee, thanks pal."

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv

"#notguilty."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

German School

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."