Scriptwriter Gifts

"I just don't think a giant flaming blob of alien ectoplasm would say that."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

Hacked Dreams

'To get around the new restrictions on advertising junk food our sponsors want us to rename some of the characters - you'll now be Inspector 'Coco Pops' with your sidekick Sergeant 'Cheese Straw'.'

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."

'Whoa! Who writes your stuff -- Mel Gibson?'

'Brilliant... 'Slumlord Billionaire'!'

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

'We're slanting our movies for audiences in China, so your script needs some rickshaw-chase scenes.'

'That script to theatre to film to video scenario... I've short cut it.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

'I think we're going to have trouble with Vladimir.'

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"I just can't do it...The script says enter stage right and I'm a socialist."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"I thought he was about to be knighted, too, didn't you?"

"So, Mr. Bond, you have foolishly entered my diabolical hall of mirrors."

"Daddy, tell me a pilot."

Mensa Does Improv

"Great money scenes!"

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."

"Damn it, Eddie, you told me this script was stupid."

"Do you want to stay for the credits?"

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"These two gentlemen want to turn that note you passed in homeroom into a movie."

"Smart stuff, Chip, but wise up and dumb it down."

"It's a sort of 'popular-attractive-kid-from-well-to-do-stable-family-succeeds-against-all-odds' story."

"Well there's a script and a baddie right there!..."

"They liked my screenplay!"

"Don't forget the screenplay."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?