Scriptwriting Gifts

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

'Here's a very sentimental script about a policeman.'

Ibsen - The Early Years

"The premise was good but you failed on the execution."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Actor practising his indian war crys

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'The Writer'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

A pretention of playwrights

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

"The streaming channel found my script illogical, primitive and bursting with sex and violence... they paid me 10 million for the movie rights!"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Herman Mankiewicz

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

Stand-up Romcom

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."