Scriptwriting Gifts

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

'Here's a very sentimental script about a policeman.'

Ibsen - The Early Years

"The premise was good but you failed on the execution."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

'The Writer'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

A pretention of playwrights

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

"The streaming channel found my script illogical, primitive and bursting with sex and violence... they paid me 10 million for the movie rights!"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Stand-up Romcom

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'