Script Writers Gifts

Athens Playhouse. Euclid is rehearsing a play he wrote about lust, money and lies. Investment Sales Office. Don't be obtuse! Face each other from this angle! He's a tough director. It's surprising that Euclid, the father of geometry, wrote about passion, money and deceit. I thought so too, until I read the script. It's a story about a pyramid scheme and a love triangle!

7 Days in Mayberry: 'It's about an attempted coup against Sheriff Taylor.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

A pretention of playwrights

Mensa Does Improv

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Hollywood producer.

Hollywood producer.

'Hang on a minute...'

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

Actor practising his indian war crys

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."