Screenwriting Gifts

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Cow Writers Block.

Write a Screenplay

Hacked Dreams

In the screenwriters guild, Secretary is the most coveted position.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"People, we're writing a reality show. Use some imagination!"

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"I'm perfect for the screenwriter's job. And if you don't like my résumé, I've got 12 more with alternative endings!"

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"And the award for best script adapted from a text message or tweet goes to..."

"How come I never get a copy of the script?"

"... but when the broadcasting company sent him $5,000 for his first script we laughed out of the other side of our mouths."

The New Hollywood Mystique.

'Oh man, every time.'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

'Here's an idea...boy meet girl, boy and girl break up, boy meet boy and girl meet girl!'

"It's a doomsday scenario...I love it."

"Frankly, your script sucks!"

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"Okay, so here's my pitch . . . this movie should be 89 minutes long but it clocks in at 2:42 . . ."

"The story is stupid, the characters are unreliable and the senseless special effects will eat up millions. Well, I guess we've got a real blockbuster!"

Hollywood producer.

Hollywood director.

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

"Still working on the screenplay."

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."