Screenwriter Gifts

Goldilocks at Sundance.

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story. At the climax, there's a hip replacement."

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

"So. . . who'd like to have a go at defining Britishness?"

I must find out how to control the rights when it comes out on parchment.'

'We are making a film of the book.'

"I just don't think a giant flaming blob of alien ectoplasm would say that."

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"Look, babe. At this point, you've reinvented yourself so many times you're back to who you were at the start."

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"You need a transplant, but there are very few good parts for middle-aged women."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'I can't find the words to express my anger with you.' - 'She needs a dictionary.'

Cow Writers Block.

'A page from Sylvester Stallone's newest film script.'

TV - Please stand buy. We've run out of ideas.

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'Books that stayed books.'

Welcome to Hollywood

Hollywood 1860 - "The Dickens screenplay's good but I'd like to bring in Thackery for a rewrite.."

Computer wheeled down red carpet at film premiere. TV presenter says: 'Now, at last, here comes the real star of the movie!'

Little Red Riding Carpet

Moses and the Screenwriter: 'Accurate-Shmaccurate...if you want this story to sell, it needs some punching up.'

"It's time you learned the truth. You were adapted."

"Hallelujah, I'm a believer!"

Writer's Strike

Hacked Dreams

'Lucky we got Clam to circle the wagons.'

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

The 2024 Deepfake awards

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

Outskirts of town with sign: 'Entering Centerville - a town without a film festival.'

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

What the Person Sitting Next to You at Starbucks is 'Working On'

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."