Scriptwriter T-Shirts

"I just don't think a giant flaming blob of alien ectoplasm would say that."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Hacked Dreams

'To get around the new restrictions on advertising junk food our sponsors want us to rename some of the characters - you'll now be Inspector 'Coco Pops' with your sidekick Sergeant 'Cheese Straw'.'

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

'I think we're going to have trouble with Vladimir.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'That script to theatre to film to video scenario... I've short cut it.'

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

"I just can't do it...The script says enter stage right and I'm a socialist."

'We're slanting our movies for audiences in China, so your script needs some rickshaw-chase scenes.'

'Will you stick to the script!!!'

'Brilliant... 'Slumlord Billionaire'!'

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."

'Whoa! Who writes your stuff -- Mel Gibson?'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

There comes a time, little buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous.

I'm here with movie expert, Mister Flick, to discuss monsters who are actors. Let's start with Jekyll and Hyde. He does some good work and some bad work. Who picks scripts well? Dracula finds roles he can really sink his teeth into. Frankenstein, on the other hand, will take just about any part! What about King Kong's career? It was brief but he did climb to the top! And some critics think the Invisible Man is among the best. I agree with that ... but he only does low-budget indie films

I resent the fact that the only item listed on the menu is soup with a fly in it. I resent the fact that the script calls for me to give you a big smile. It's tough all over. Menu.

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Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

Horror Movie for Writers

"Line?"

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health for a full 13 episodes...?

"People! We're writing a reality show about fake news...use your imaginations!"

"Smart stuff, Chip, but wise up and dumb it down."

"These two gentlemen want to turn that note you passed in homeroom into a movie."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"Damn it, Eddie, you told me this script was stupid."

"Great money scenes!"

Mensa Does Improv