Script Writer T-Shirts

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story. At the climax, there's a hip replacement."

Directors Chair and Others.

Monk on PC.

"Forget the reality in our reality shows. We need better scripts."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

The Bridge II

"It'll never work, Marcy - we come from two different worlds and yours doesn't have chairs."

2020 Productions Presents: The Walk

Dear diary, Tomorrow's "Fusco Brothers" script calls for me to have a conversation with a goldfish. I have decided to ask my agent to get me an audition for a part in "Rex Morgan, M.D."

'We're calling it... 'World war zit!''

Tramp selling a manuscript.

Production team.

When business got slow in Hollywood, script consultant Herb Purvis made a surprisingly easy transition to the manufacturing sector of the economy.

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

"I enjoyed your script. Let me nap all day, ignore it for a while, and if I feel like I want attention, I'll get back to you."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Herman Mankiewicz

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'