Script Writing T-Shirts

Directors Chair and Others.

Monk on PC.

"We'd like to make your greeting card into a movie trilogy."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

A pretention of playwrights

Mensa Does Improv

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Hollywood producer.

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Hollywood producer.

'Hang on a minute...'

"Don't forget the screenplay."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"The studio's asked me to see if I can dumb down some Danielle Steel."