Comedy Scriptwriter Gifts

Prisoner escape

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Zombie standup

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

'Dad, would you ming standing up, then accidentally tripping on the dog and falling flat on your face? I'll try to get it in one shot.'

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

"Larry, nooo! Don't look into the BOWL!!!"

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

A pretention of playwrights

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Mensa Does Improv

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

Hollywood producer.

America's funniest election gaffes

Note Book

'Hang on a minute...'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

"Dad, why do they tell actors to "break a leg?""