Comedy Writers Gifts

'He'll not be writing any more quick-fire gags now he's crawling along at that speed, eh, Ern?'

Zombie standup

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Canned laughter for sale in Theatrical Supplies shop.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

Aw, geez, is my fly down again? Why Superman started wearing his underwear over his pants.

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

Note Book

America's funniest election gaffes

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Soldiers' Ego

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'...Nadine Dorries has sent you a present from Australia. She said as soon as she saw it she thought of you!'

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.

Football Delivery

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"We'll get what we need from you. Guaranteed!" "Officer Madoff, the best stool softener on the force."

I hear you're sending Rudy to a clandestine meeting with Russian agents for the purpose of coordinating the blackmailing of the American president. What?! I am not! What ever gave you such an outlandish idea? I overheard Rudy asking Siri "How do I say 'hello' in Russian?" That proves nothing. Then he said "Siri, how do I say 'my boss wants your boss to blackmail our president' in Russian?" That could mean anything. Then he said "Siri, how do I say 'that means exactly what it sounds like it means

Yep, I started out as a dog groomer.

Uncle Sam admires lipstick marks on his butt.

'We have lost the video and voice audio, but will continue with the laugh track.'

"Oh, don't mind us. We boo everybody."

"The last doggy bag."

Clive Anderson

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing."

If You Praise Anything about the United States

"No, you moron — this is not 'serendipitous'!"

'We dreamed of this day and it's finally here... Behold the 'anti-Sandler ray'!'

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."